Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, November 20, 2008
12 Tips for Muslim Youth
Why should you, a young Muslim, be helping to bring your friends closer to Allah?
After all, you've got your own struggles to deal with: trying to explain why you pray to hostile teachers, Hijab
discrimination, standing up in class when the professor attacks Islam, dealing with parents who think you've gone nuts
because you're growing a beard, or all the other difficulties faced by a number of practicing Muslim youth?
Islam was never meant to be an individualistic faith, reserved for the "chosen few". Muslims have a duty to spread the
Deen, and practicing Muslim youth, whether beginners, activists or leaders have a crucial role to play.
"Allah has put them in a position that perhaps no one else is in," notes Sheema Khan, former Muslim Youth of North
America (MYNA) advisor for eastern Canada. "They have the means to communicate with their peers, they have an
understanding of what they're going through plus they have the guidance of Islam."
Who is your childhood friend, who would rather spend Fridays at MacDonald's than the Masjid, or your classmate who is
Muslim in name and only knows that "Muslims don't eat pork" going to listen to: the nice Imam of the Masjid who would
freak out if he saw the way they were dressed and talked or you who may have grown up with them, joked with them, or
see them everyday in school?
The answer is obvious: you.
Don't panic. Here are some tips and advice which can help from other Muslims, many of whom have been there and
done that:
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Tip #1: Make your intention sincere
All work we do should ideally be for the sake of Allah. That includes the task of bringing someone closer to Allah. That of
course means this should not be connected to arrogance, thinking you're the teacher and everyone else should be lucky
you've embarked on a crusade to save them. Guidance is from Allah. Make Dua and make sincere efforts and remember
Allah can also misguide you if He wills (we seek refuge in Allah from that).AdSense Trick
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Tip #2: Practice what you preach
Not practicing what you preach is wrong and you will lose the confidence of anyone, young or old, once they figure you
out. Don't do it
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Tip #3: Use the Qur'an and Seerah (biography of the Prophet) as Dawa guides
Read and understand those chapters of the Qur'an which talk about how the Prophets presented the message of Islam
to their people. Read the Seerah (for some good Seerah books) to see especially how the Prophet Muhammad (peace
and blessings be upon him) brought Islam to so many different people, including young people.
As well, talk to Dawa workers, and check out books that have been written on introducing dawa to non Muslims
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Tip #4: Talk to people as if you really don't know them
Don't assume you know someone just by looking at them. You don't know that the Muslim girl in your homeroom who
walks through the school's hallways as if they were fashion show catwalks is not someone you can talk to about Allah
because she looks like a snob. Or that the Muslim guy who you've never seen at Jumah at your university is a "bad
Muslim". Maybe he was never really taught Islam and has no idea what importance Friday prayers have in Islam,
especially for Muslim men.
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Tip #5: Smile
Did you know the Prophet was big on smiling? But many "practicing" Muslims seem to have "their faces on upside down"
as one speaker once said-frowning and serious.
Smiling, being polite and kind are all part of the manners of the Prophet, which we must exercise in our daily lives. If we
want to approach others with Islam, we have to make ourselves approachable. Smiling is key to this.
But note that being approachable does not mean being flirtations with the other gender. There are Islamic rules for how
men and women should deal with each other which have to be respected. Dawa is no excuse to have long and private
conversations and meetings with the other sex, for example. Set up a system where someone expressing an interest in
Islam is referred to someone of the same sex.
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Tip #6: Take the initiative and hang out with them
Take the first step and invite someone you may have spoken to a couple of times to sit at lunch together, to check out a
hockey game or invite them over for Iftar in Ramadan. Also, share difficulties, sorrows and frustrations. Help with
homework, be a shoulder to cry on when depression hits, or just plain listen when your friend is upset, discuss common
problems and KEEP THEIR SECRETS. There are few things as annoying as a snitch and backstabber. But an important
note: if the problem is of a serious nature, (i.e. your friend is thinking of committing suicide or is taking drugs), notify and
consult an adult immediately.
Tip #7: Show them Islam is relevant today, right here, right now
Young people may think Islam is too "old fashioned" and not in tune with the modern age. Prove this wrong. Show how
Islam is really about relating to Allah, which any human being can do, anywhere, anytime. Allah is always closer to you
than your jugular vein and He hears and knows everything. Encourage friends to ask Allah's help during tests, exams,
and in dealing with problems at home with parents and siblings. Also point out how Islam relates to teenagers: Islam
gives you focus and an understanding of who you are and where you are going, which most of "teen culture" does not.
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Tip #8: Get them involved in volunteer work with you
If you are already involved in the community, get your friend to help out. Ask them to make a flyer for one of your youth
group's events or brainstorm for ideas about activities to hold this school year. This involvement makes them feel part of
the Muslim community and deepens your friendship, since you are now working together on something beneficial for both
of you. Make sure you thank them for their contribution.
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Tip #9: Ask them 4 fundamental questions
As your friendship develops, you will notice the topics you discuss may become more serious. You may be discussing,
for instance, future goals and plans. Khan recommends four questions to ask that can steer the topic to Allah and Islam:
a. Where am I going in life and what would make me really happy deep down inside?
b. What do I believe?
c. Who should I be grateful to?
d. Did I get to where I am today without the help of anyone?
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Tip #10: Emphasize praying five times a day before any other aspect of Islam
A person's main connection with Allah, on a daily basis, is through the prayer five times a day. Don't emphasize any
other aspect of Islam until your friend starts making a real effort to pray five times a day. Emphasize the direct connection
one has with Allah in prayer. If they are facing a problem, tell them to pray, and to ask Allah for help in Salah and outside
this time. When possible, make it a point to pray together during your "hang out time". If your friend begins to pray, that is
the first step to other aspects of Islam like giving up swearing, treating parents with respect or dressing Islamically.
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Tip# 11: Help instil confidence in adults
Adults, like Bart Simpson's dad Homer, are considered bumbling idiots in the eyes of "teen culture". Your job as a young
Muslim is to help turn the tables on this false and unIslamic belief. All you have to do is this: when a Muslim adult does
something good (i.e. saving someone's life, donating money to a worthy cause, the Imam gives a good speech, taking
good care of his/her family) bring it up in the course of your conversations with your friend and praise the adult in
question. Doing this regularly may not only change your friend's perspective, but could lead to them seeing their own
parents in a more respectful way.
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Tip #12: Support them even when they become more practicing
Remember, just because a person starts practicing Islam more regularly, this does not mean everything will be okay from
this point onwards. There will still be hard times, difficulties. There may be times when your friend may have doubts
about his or her newfound practice of Islam. Be there to reassure them.
Contributed by Abu Farhan
Friday, 21 March 2008
Last Updated Sunday, 23 March 2008
[www.missionislam. com]
22 Tips For Parents
What does it take for parents to get a teen to become a practicing Muslim?
After talking to parents, Imams, activists and Muslims who have grown up in the West to ask what are some practical things parents can do to help Muslim teens maintain their Deen. These are some of their suggestions:
Tip #1: Take parenting more seriously than you would a full-time job This means both parents must understand their children are a trust from Allah, and He will ask how they were raised. If the children do not grow up practicing Islam because of their parents’ negligence, it is not going to be pretty in this life or the next.
Tip #2:Reduce or change work hours and exchange them for time with the family It is better to have one full-time job, fewer luxuries in the house (i.e. more cars, expensive clothes, a bigger, fancier home) and more time with the family, than many material things and absent parents. This goes for mothers AND fathers. Parents can’t instill values in their children if they just aren’t there, period. Quit that extra job on the weekends or in the evenings and instead drive the kids to the mosque for Halaqas and activities instead. Or consider switching shifts at work so that you’re home when the kids are.
Tip #3: Read the Quran, understanding its meaning, for five minutes every day Just five minutes. Whether it’s in the car during a traffic jam, early morning after Fajr, or right before you go to bed, read the Quran with a translation and/or Tafseer. Then watch the snowball effect. You will, Insha Allah, reconnect with Allah, and in the long run, develop into a role model helping your whole family, not just your teen, reconnect with Him too.
Tip #4: Attend a weekly Halaqa Trade playing cards or watching television on Sunday afternoons for a Halaqa. If you don’t have something already in place during that time slot, help the Imam to set one up. Attend it vigilantly. The added bonus of this is that when children see their parents striving to learn about Islam, they will in many cases be encouraged to do the same.
Tip #5: Respect your teen Respecting your teen means not treating them like inept babies, but like maturing adults, not talking down to them or humiliating and insulting them. It means involving them in useful activities around the home and seeking their opinions on matters of importance.
Tip #6: Take an interest in what they do Does Noor play hockey in an all-girls’ sports league? Attend Noor’s games as regularly as possible. Does Ihsan collect stamps? See if you can find old letters from your parents in Malaysia or Lebanon and pass the stamps on them to her. Does Muhsin love building websites? Visit his site, post a congratulatory e-mail on the message board and offer some suggestions for the site. Give him a book on advanced web design as Eid gift.
Tip #7: Be aware of problems and address them straightforwardly As you spend more time with your teen, you will be more able to sense if there is something bothering them. Don’t brush this feeling under the carpet. Address it straight on. But don’t do this in the family meeting or n in front of others. Do it during the next tip.
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Tip #8: "Date" your teenager While dating is commonly associated with boy-girl social meetings, the concept can be extended to any meeting between two people wanting to get to know each other better.
It’s especially important to "date" your children on an individual level once they hit their teens because they are no longer just "one of the kids". They are young adults who need attention and guidance on an individual level. You can go out on a "date" when Sumayya graduates from high school (instead of going to the prom), when Ahmed gets his driver’s license or if you feel there is something bothering them and you want to address them alone.
Tip #9: Don’t just be your teen’s parent, be his or her partner Making them a partner means giving them responsibilities within the family. Get 16 year old Amir, who just got his driver’s license, to help his mom with grocery shopping on Saturday’s; get 15 year old Jasmine, who loves flowers, to be responsible for the garden and mowing the lawn. This way, teens will feel a part of the family, included and needed.
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Tip #10: Build a Masjid in your home Delegate a room, part of the basement or the living room as the home Masjid. You can do this for less than $25.
Make this Masjid entirely the responsibility of the kids. Get the eldest to be in charge and to delegate responsibilities for younger siblings. Responsibilities include keeping the Masjid clean, waking people up for Fajr, calling the Adhan, etc.
Tip #11: Don’t practice "men’s Islam" That means don’t exclude wives or daughters from prayers. When the men are praying in Jamaah, make sure the women are either behind them or also praying in congregation. Make sure the Imam recites the prayer loud enough for the women to hear if they are in another part of the house. Also, encourage women to pray in Jamaah if there are no men present.
Tip #12: Establish an Islamic library and choose a librarian Equip your home with an Islamic library with books, video and audio cassettes about various aspects of Islam, catering to everyone’s age and interests. If 13-year-old Bilal likes adventure novels, for example, make sure you have a couple of Islamic adventure books
Get one of your teens to be the librarian. S/he keeps materials organized and in good condition. Any requests for materials to be added to the collection have to go through him or her. Give this librarian a monthly budget for ordering new books, cassettes, etc.
Tip#13: Take them out.....to Islamic activities Instead of a fancy dinner at a restaurant, save your money to take everyone out to the next Muslim community dinner or activity. Make a special effort to go to events where other Muslim teens will be present and the speaker caters his/her message to this crowd.
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It’s also important to regularly take Bilal and Humayra to Islamic camps and conferences where they will meet other Muslim kids their age on a larger scale.
Tip #14: Move to a predominantly Muslim neighborhood in your city Ideally, this should be near the mosque. This step is necessary if you want to surround your kids with other Muslim children of more or less the same age on a daily basis.
Tip #15 : Help teens start their own youth group After living in a Muslim neighborhood and attending Islamic activities regularly, teens in many cases will develop a friendship with other Muslims their age. Don’t let this end here.
Help them establish a youth group, not just to learn about Islam, but to go to the amusement park together, go swimming, etc. Have meetings at members’ houses on a weekly or bimonthly basis. Get this group involved in useful work like cleaning up litter around the Masjid or visiting senior citizens’ homes.This group must have parental supervision, although teens’ decision-making powers should not be interfered with unless really necessary.
Tip #16: Establish a TV-free evening and monitor TV watching in general Parents’ biggest competitor for their children’s attention is the T.V. Sound Vision’s unTV guide. Monitoring what everyone watches simply means taking care to remind and help everyone avoid shows which depict sex, violence and encourage unIslamic activities. Put up a list of acceptable and unacceptable shows on the wall beside the T.V.
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Establishing TV-free evenings means having one evening of the week when no one, adult, teen or child is allowed to watch television. Hopefully, this is a first step towards general TV reduction in the home. This is an ideal time to have the next tip.
Tip #17: Have weekly family meetings The purpose: to find out what is going on in everyone’s lives and to consult the family on important issues. Hanan started attending a Halaqa, Imran just returned from a Muslim youth camp, Bilal aced the last algebra test. The point is not to just give this news in point form. It’s to elicit discussion and communication between everyone, and to keep up-to-date about what is going on in everyone’s life, which gets harder when kids become teenagers.
This is also the place to consult the family and decide on major issues affecting everyone: a move to another city; a marriage of one of the family members; difficulties with a bully in school, etc.
Please note: Shura in the family does not mean a majority vote determines what to do about a situation. While the parents remain in charge, teens and younger children voice opinions and suggestions parents will consider in making a final decision about a matter.
Tip #18: Have "Halal Fun night" once a month "Fun is Haram" is a joke sometimes heard amongst Muslim youth, mocking the attitude of some Muslims for whom virtually anything enjoyable is automatically labeled Haram (forbidden).
Islamic entertainment is a much neglected area of Muslim concern. Islamic songs, skits, etc. are a viable tool for the transmission of Islam. Maybe 16-year-old Jameel knows how to play the Duff, while his sister Amira, 14, can write and sing well. Let them present their own Islamic song to the whole family. Or have 12-year-old Ridwan recite some of his best poetry. Make one of the teens in charge of this event. Help them establish a criteria of acceptable and unacceptable Halal entertainment.
Tip #19: Provide the right role models-What would Abu Bakr have done? Apart from being a role model yourself by trying to practice Islam, make sure you provide teens with reading material about the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) and his Companions (Sahaba), both the men and the women. Otherwise, the characters on the programs your kids watch on television may become their "Sahabas".
Discuss what a Companion may have done in a situation relevant to teens’ lives. What would Abu Bakr Siddiq do if he saw a someone selling answers to the grade 11 math final exam? What would Aisha have done is she was confronted with the opportunity to cheat her parents?
Tip #20: Read books on Positive Parenting These can be books written by Muslims, but even books by non-Muslims can help. However, just be ready and make sure you are able to identify what is Islamically acceptable versus what is not.
Tip #21: Get them married early The societies of the West are permeated by sex: on TV, billboards, on the streets, buses, in movies, etc. A Muslim teenager facing this is in a tough position: succumb to the temptations or try really, really hard not to. Getting them married early (check out some tips for parents) will ease the pressure, and they don't have to stop their studies to do this. Remember, as a parent you will also be partly responsible if your son or daughter wanted to marry, you stopped them and they ended up having sex outside of marriage. You should also remember when undertaking this step not to force your son or daughter to marry someone they do not like.
Tip #22: Last but not least-Make Dua Make Dua. It is really Allah who guides and misguides, but if you’ve done your job as a parent, Insha Allah, keeping your teen a practicing Muslim will be easier to do than if you had neglected this duty. As well, make Dua for your teen in front of them. This reminds them how much you love them and your concern for them.
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